That's how I describe this past month. I've dreaded this time. I've dreaded it with all of my heart and I've hidden down here in Houston for as long as I can, hoping to stop time. I got the call on September 15th that my grandpa had passed away. This is my real dad's dad. I say "real" dad, because I feel like "biological" father leads people to believe that I have a dad still out there somewhere who has nothing to do with me. Long story short, my read dad passed away before I was born. My mother married Jim, my "current" real dad who has been there since I was a year old and is a wonderful father to me and now an even greater grandfather to my kids. He's been there my whole life and a dad doesn't get any more "real" than him.
But my original father's dad, Grandpa Anderson, has always held a special place in my heart. All of my grandparents have and I don't mean to belittle any of the relationships that I had with any of them. I was blessed to have 4 sets of grandparents. My dad and mom's and Jim's parents and his first wife's parents. Make sense!? We were a "brady bunch" sort of family - totally meshed together and were blessed enough to be welcome and accepted as "one of our own". Ohhhh....I am so rambling. I just want any and all that read this to realize how lucky and special I feel to have been blessed with such a HUGE family.
So 2 weeks ago I got the call about my Grandpa Anderson. He was 93, a farmer and what an honorable, incredible man. If I started to even try to describe him - well, I'm afraid that this entry would turn into a small novel. He was a farmer, an honest man, a simple but incredibly loving man. He'd drive us around the farm in his old blue truck. He lived in town with my Grandma but often went out to the farm off our FM409 - is that right?
The time that I have had with my grandparents (all of my extended family) is such a treasured time. Do they even know how much I love them? How much each and every moment I had with them meant to me? My heart aches for those days when we were all young. to have those days back. I want things to stay the same - for them to be here forever.
This weekend we went to my parent's house. We were supposed to go up to Nebraska but my Grandpa (my mom's dad) fell and broke his hip last week and had a replacement surgery. We were planning to visit this week - to make the looooooooong drive up to Nebraska but after much ado - decided it was best to wait on our trip. Adding 2 young children to an already stressful situation can only make things worse. Ah - there is so much I want to say. I need to make a separate entry about each trip.
So now, a mere 2 weeks later, my other Grandpa is nearing death. I hate this. I HATE this. He is old, 89 years and so very weak. He needs to go but my selfish being wants to cling to him. To hold him and never let go. I guess I'm afraid that all of the memories will go with him. I've known this day will come but my heart is still breaking. I'm falling apart...I'm barely breathing... so goes the song by Lifehouse that makes me fall apart every time I hear it. I am praying praying praying for my Grandpa as he nears death. Oh God, please be with him, take away his pain. I want to see him in Heaven. I pray vehemently that his heart's faith is in Jesus. I want to see him again.
So tonight, I take a break from life - to pray, to honor my sweet grandparents. Oh how I love them....down to my very bones...with all of my heart...all of my soul. I ache for them, but I am comforted in knowing that my heavenly Father is with them, now and I pray in the end.
I am not very "in your face" with my friends and family about my faith but I am not ashamed to say that I am a Christian. Recently I was tempted to say "Hey, everyone needs a little Jesus in their lives and when you are ready for Him - call me." I didn't say it, but well, maybe this is my opportunity. If you are my friend and you read my blog - I love you. You know my heart and if you need me, you'd better bet your butt I'm here for you.
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