Saturday, August 20, 2011

Bustin' it

So tonight we decided to live it up and take the girls out to dinner since school is starting for Kendall on Monday. Who am I kidding. It's just another typical night but we'll use anything as an excuse to go out. There's a new place a few miles out with 2 huge playgrounds, patios, TV's galore, lots of room, free ice cream, you name it. It's a "family grill." So we ventured out to try it. The girls were enjoying it outside eventhough it was still 97 degrees. Amazingly the playgrounds were NOT scalding their flesh as they climbed, jumped, slide and careened off of them.

So at this restaurant you have to order up front then go and pick up your food. Our "food is ready" buzzer went off, Mike brought back the food and I thought he went back to grab silverware. After a minute I walked to find him and low and behold he's upfront ordering something else.

(HUFFF!) (Sigh) (exasperated me) Didn't he KNOW we were all STARVING and the random flies that had meandered in from the children opening and closing the doors a million times were literally about to carry off our plates? Not to mention Avery was already up to her elbows in hot dog grease. One hot dog. Hold the bun please.

So I stomped back to the silverware...well, I almost made it to the silverware. (sidenote) I've got these really great flip flops that I LOVE and they are made of yoga mat material. Very cushy and comfy for my old woman feet. However, they have zero. tread.

So as I hurriedly rush to the silverware, I walk around this guy and slip on a small spot of a spilled drink. I didn't slip. I ATE IT. I fell hard, fast and straight on my right knee cap.

What was that slap sound?! Oh that was just my entire body hitting this polished concrete floor like a 300 pound anchor was just dropped on my head. It had to have looked like an episode of Coyote and Road Runner where the Road Runner drops a Grand piano yet again on the unsuspecting Wile E. Coyote. I fell so hard I'm surprised my neck didn't stretch out and whiplash my forehead against the floor as well. It may have. Bruising is sure to be evident in the morning.

So let's see if I can create this mental picture for you...
--right knee cap bent at 90 degree angle crushed into the concrete.
--left leg stuck straight out to the side of my body
--both hands smack in front of me to keep my face from breaking the floor.

Did I mention there was a guy standing a foot in front of me?!

It had to have looked like I was either playing a game of twister by myself, or getting ready to spring into action as the sole beginning starter of a flash mob.

Never one to be down for too long, I attempt to gracefully recover. I pop up, say "whoops!" and head over to where Mike is standing so that I can tell the girl behind the counter to please mop it up since I just slipped.

"Slipped" sounds so graceful doesn't it?! I wanted to say "busted my a$$" but my momma raised me better than that.

Now the pain and burning is starting to set in. I walk/hobble 3 steps back to the silverware/drink station where the guy is still standing working his way down and cooly try to play it off by saying "Geez, I haven't fallen that hard since I was a kid!" He chuckled. I refused to make eye contact.

Thank the Good Lord above there weren't other tables of people right there. I'm sure half of the restaurant saw me but luckily I was far enough away that I didn't hear their gasps and giggles or see them pointing fingers. I didn't hear any other slaps of flesh hitting the ground so I'm assuming people weren't falling out of their chairs laughing.

Mike gets back to the table a few seconds after I sit down and I'm borderline laughing and borderline about to lose it crying from pain. It really hurt. It's been a long time since I've had that many parts of my body hurt simultaneously. I've heard that breaking your knee cap is one of the most painful injuries you can have and I'm not in that much pain. However there is a dime size lump on it and I may have thrown my hip out.

Now it's 3 hours later and I'm icing my knee. My whole body feels like it's been jarred. I'm not sure if I'm imagining it. We'll see in the morning.

So there's my story about my 60 mph collision with the concrete floor of All Stars Family Grill. Now I've got to get another pedicure because my feet slid so fast out from under me that my toenails rubbed against the floor and it took off some of the polish on 4 of my toes.

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